Using the Queen's Engerlish

So, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish:

- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

- And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

- Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat).

- Always avoid annoying alliteration.

- Be more or less specific.

- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

- Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

- No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.

- Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.

- Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

- Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

- One should never generalize.

- Don't use no double negatives.

- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

- One-word sentences? Eliminate.

- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

- Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

- Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

- Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

- If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

- Puns are for children, not groan readers.

- Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

- Who needs rhetorical questions?

- Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.

- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

From the book "Fumblerules" by William Safire


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