Monologue from "CLERKS" by Kevin Smith
My friend Juice and I are the kings of long conversations that jump from genre to genre that to the outside observer seems to lack a coheisive point. But in the end we end up with a consensus about everything happening in the world using metaphors from pop culture, books, music, and politics. A classic example of this is the "Death Star" monologue from Clerks.
"CLERKS" by Kevin Smith:
There was something else going on
in Jedi. I never noticed it until
RANDAL follows DANTE as he cleans up around the store.
All right, Vader's boss...
Right, the Emperor. Now the Emperor
is kind of a spiritual figure, yes?
How do you mean?
Well, he's like the pope for the
dark side of the Force. He's a holy
man; a shaman, kind of, albeit an
Now, he's in charge of the Empire.
The Imperial government is under
his control. And the entire galaxy
is under Imperial rule.
Then wouldn't that logically mean
that it's a theocracy? If the head
of the Empire is a priest of some
sort, then it stands to reason that
the government is therefore one
based on religion.
It would stand to reason, yes.
Hence, the Empire was a fascist
theocracy, and the rebel forces
were therefore battling religious
More or less.
The only problem is that at no
point in the series did I ever hear
Leia or any of the rebels declare a
particular religious belief.
I think they were Catholics.
A BLUE-COLLAR MAN half enters the door.
Are you open?
Yeah. Come in.
He goes to the coffee machine and makes a cup of joe.
You know what else I noticed in Jedi?
So they build another Death Star,
Now the first one they built was
completed and fully operational
before the Rebels destroyed it.
Luke blew it up. Give credit where
And the second one was still being
built when they blew it up.
Compliments of Lando Calrissian.
Something just never sat right with
me the second time they destroyed
it. I could never put my finger on
it-something just wasn't right.
And you figured it out?
Well, the thing is, the first Death
Star was manned by the Imperial
army-storm troopers, dignitaries-
the only people onboard were
So when they blew it up, no prob.
Evil is punished.
And the second time around...?
The second time around, it wasn't
even finished yet. They were still
A construction job of that magnitude
would require a helluva lot more
manpower than the Imperial army had
to offer. I'll bet there were
independent contractors working on
that thing: plumbers, aluminum
Not just Imperials, is what you're
Exactly. In order to get it built
quickly and quietly they'd hire
anybody who could do the job. Do
you think the average storm trooper
knows how to install a toilet main?
All they know is killing and white
All right, so even if independent
contractors are working on the
Death Star, why are you uneasy with
All those innocent contractors
hired to do a job were killed-
casualties of a war they had
nothing to do with.
(notices Dante's confusion)
All right, look-you're a roofer,
and some juicy government contract
comes your way; you got the wife
and kids and the two-story in
suburbia-this is a government
contract, which means all sorts of
benefits. All of a sudden these
left-wing militants blast you with
lasers and wipe out everyone within
a three-mile radius.
You didn't ask for that. You have
no personal politics. You're just
trying to scrape out a living.
The BLUE-COLLAR MAN joins them.
Excuse me. I don't mean to
interrupt, but what were you
The ending of Return of the Jedi.
My friend is trying to convince me
that any contractors working on the
uncompleted Death Star were innocent
victims when the space station was
destroyed by the rebels.
Well, I'm a contractor myself. I'm
(digs into pocket and
produces business card)
Dunn and Reddy Home Improvements.
And speaking as a roofer, I can say
that a roofer's personal politics
come heavily into play when choosing
Three months ago I was offered a
job up in the hills. A beautiful
house with tons of property. It was
a simple reshingling job, but I was
told that if it was finished within
a day, my price would be doubled.
Then I realized whose house it was.
Whose house was it?
"Babyface" Bambino? The gangster?
The same. The money was right, but
the risk was too big. I knew who he
was, and based on that, I passed
the job on to a friend of mine.
Based on personal politics.
Right. And that week, the Foresci
family put a hit on Babyface's
house. My friend was shot and
killed. He wasn't even finished
(paying for coffee)
I'm alive because I knew there were
risks involved taking on that
particular client. My friend wasn't
(pauses to reflect)
You know, any contractor willing to
work on that Death Star knew the
risks. If they were killed, it was
their own fault. A roofer listens
(taps his heart)
not his wallet.
The BLUE-COLLAR MAN exits. DANTE and RANDAL remain
respectfully quiet for a moment.